I grew up in a very protective cocooned environment … . My family was sick and tired of me harping on freedom and space …I had visions of breaking free of transforming into this wild child ( there are a few embarrassing and unsuccessful attempts which I would rather not remember!! ) or perhaps turning into a woman who knew exactly what she wanted from life and left no stone unturned to get it …. Today I can look back and laugh at my naivete… its only now i realize i was just trying hard to fight who i really was.. in the process i got so jumbled that i did not even realize what i really wanted… while I would talk about freedom and independence all my choices in life has always been the secure ones !
Its only now that it has dawned on me that who we are and what we become is shaped over a number of years. I thought living on my own I would party into the wee hours of the morning ( something my dad would have never approved of…i’m still daddy’s little girl somewhere so his approval will always matter ) instead i found myself yearning for the warmth and comfort of home …I thought I’d go for road trips or work with an ad agency instead I chose a routine 9-6 jobs and road trips yeah right !! I’d rather spend my weekends spending time with the people who matter, watching a movie, devouring a book or catching up on my sleep
Its only now that i know one can’t change overnight.. If I was always a dreamer, spectator ..observer I couldn’t transform into this social butterfly with the snap of a finger …. But I have changed in more than one ways…from a naive youngster with fuzzy notions I am slowly turning into a woman with a stronger hold on reality ( People who know me well never seem to agree with this…sigh !!) .. I’ve also learnt that breaking free has nothing to do with going wild…its more about breaking free from the false notions we all have about ourselves and the world around us …..